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This is one of the frequently asked questions - from ladies.
I do not think this is something embarrasing. Women are receiving the equal treatment as men in the society and many have proven themselves to be as capable as their male counterparts - if not, better. They are more confident to speak up, gung-ho, swift in decision making, intelligent and have been given a larger role to play in the corporate and political arena.
Many women that I know of are very driven and spend long hours on their work. They do not mind putting their career first and boyfriend/husband later. And then what happens? They either cannot find someone they feel is comptible with them or their boyfriend/hubby runs away with other girl or most of the guys at their age are all taken. I wonder why isn't there a Vietnamese groom agency around. This may solve some of these social problems right? Just kidding.
Anyway, based on the many bazi that I have read for ladies who are not able to find their Mr Right or are having marriage issue, I always find a common trait. The output star or Shang Guan is too strong in the chart. Most of the time, for ladies who face challenges in their relationship, their Daymaster is also sitting on this star.
Shang Guan, or some masters coin it Hurting Officer (HO), is a star that counters the Officer star, which is also the husband star for a lady. Bazi talks alot about balance. Any star that is overly strong in the chart will upset the whole eco system in the bazi. If Shang Guan is too prominent, then the husband star will inevitably be marginalised. In real life situation, this means that the woman has a louder voice or wear the pants at home. She is argumentative and love to challenge the hubby/boyfriend. She flares up pretty easily due to her quick temper and the words she use can be quite hurting. The above scenario is typical of a lady who has negative hurting officer structure. If you think that man has the biggest voice and ego, this is because you have not got it from a HO lady.
Shang Guan also talks about one's talent, creactivity, entrepreneurial spirit, ability to express and convince people. It is a career star. Thus, women who have more of such star in their bazi are intrinsically propelled to want to make a difference in their lifetime. They are not satisfied with status quo. In fact, many outstanding singers and stage performers are using Shang Guan. When a lady spends a huge portion of her time on career, she naturally does not have time for her man. Sometimes, she is so focus on her career that she forgets the way to the man's heart. Over a period of time, the man may get frustrated and cracks start to surface in the relationship.
Besides the presence of strong HO in the bazi, direct clash or punishment onto the spouse palace is another strong tell-tale sign of why a lady is not able to get married. A clash or sometimes a combination between spouse palace and adjacent palace is a time-bomb of divorce waiting for the annual luck pillar to trigger it.
Does this mean all HO ladies are doomed when romance is concerned? Not really. In my humble opinion, to keep your man, there are 2 possible avenues:
A) Practise self mastery to control the explosive side of you [using Resource element to control]
B) Reward them [using Wealth element to arbitrate]
Different folks different strokes. But I would always advise my clients to go for option A and adopt a "3-Less" approach - less impatient, less egoistic and less blunt.
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29 comments:
A tip for you. Strong and Weak DM is different in approach of strong character and abusiveness.
hi
strength of DM is always the fundamental to all bazi analysis and of course it gives rise to different characteristics. If you do alot of bazi real life readings, u will know positive HO can be a very friendly and warm person. But again different permutations of stars in the bazi will result in subtle difference in their friendliness approach.
I always try not to make things too technical here.
I will appreciate anonymous to identify yourself so that we can have more wonderful discussions.
Hi Jo,
Have been reading your blog and must say that what you write interest me. Well done.
I would like to contribute a few cents of my opinion. For a woman to have a good marriage or to get a partner is totally different thing. One indication of having partner is having Zheng Guan/7k in the woman chart. We also have to assess whether these spouse star is strong enough or is subject to any clashes or harm.
One thing for sure, a woman having a prominent shang guan will find difficulties to maintain any relationships.But then again, living in such a competitive modern environment, women roles have changed tremenduosly. They need good outputs/intellengence to contribute to the society.
Sad but truth nowadays women are more capable than men, it is a matter of time before they overcome men in terms of achievements.
hi imemyself
from the way you write and your alias, you sound like you have prominent friend stars...:P
Good marriage and the ability to get a partner are, yes, indeed different thing and the latter may not necessarily produce the former. :)
There are many ladies bazi that I have read do not have a single drop of husband/bf star but they do get married and can be quite happy too. The crux here depends on the strength of their DM and what star is present at spouse palace.
Anywhere, from a man's point of view, on your last para, i think it is a generalised statement. I respect the fact that it is your point of view (and hypothesis) which is to be proven :) However, it is definitely true that there is increasing number of ladies who are very talented and capable. I am not saddened by it and I find this very encouraging from a socio-economic perspective :)
Thanks for your marvellous comments... I shall put up some real bazi cases for sharing...cheers
Hi Master Jo,
What if the female DM has a resource star in the day branch (main qi) and
also have sub qi of HO,DO and RW?
Yang metal sitting on XU. Lots of resources and metal, born in pig month.
hi jamie
if you do not mind please put up the chart. It sounds like a strong DM but i just want to confirm.
Thanks.
ps: you can email me jo.fengshui@gmail.com if you wish to discuss in private
Hi Master Jo,
Since this is for learning purposes, and the female person is ok with it. The chart is below
Geng Geng Wu Xin
Chen Xu Hai You
Its an output structure right?
If its an output structure would it be compatible with a companion structure then (male)?
Apart from that,can we say the overall chart would benefit from Output,Wealth and DO elements?
Jamie
hi jamie
the stem for month is Ji and not Wu earth. Please counter check.
I would say output and wealth elements in this case are favourable.
Resource is negative for her and she is sitting on it. Next to it there is a direct clash. Stressful marriage. That is all I can say here.
Hi Jo,
You mentioned stressful marriage, in what sense?
if she goes through favorable wood,water,fire luck pillars, will that reduce the stress and be good?
Born in Pig Month, metal is weak, hence resource should be helpful ?
Jamie
Jamie
this is a strong chart in my opinion and based on my years of experience. You will know that Season of birth is not the sole determinant of strength of DM if you are into bazi.
Going through favourable luck cycles does not mean better marriage. A successful woman can face issues in marriage as well. Life is multi dimensional. Many things can happen at one time.
Resource stars and friend stars are negative for her. Alot of things can be told in this chart but not at public forum as it is sensitive.
Master Jo,
how about bazi structures?
Do you agree that a companion structure is well suited to be with an output structure?
like a gel
or a Wealth Structure with a HO structure?
Simon
Dear Master Jo,
I believe in free will. Yes certain aspects of human behavior can cause problems but with discipline, one can overcome it, even if its a bad luck period, or the marriage palace is not lucky.
I have seen bazi with great marriage stories, but they still end up in divorces, while those that are having problematic bazi issues in the spouse palace had it better due to understanding etc.
Lim
hi Simon
First of all I do not do compatibility analysis like the way you do it.
I see that you use the structure to determine if one produces another. Am I rite?
For a couple or even chemistry between 2 friends, it is interesting to note that both usually share same positive elements or useful god. That is my finding for compatibility.
Dear Lim
Yes agree about the point you mention on discipline. In my term, it is to use human action to overcome the shortcomings. That is also what I meant about self mastery. Alot of time, cracks appear because of either party's strong character and failure to communicate.
On your 2nd paragraph, I would think firstly our bazi principles need to be aligned. For example, I may read a chart different from you. It is interesting to know that u have read a chart that says good marriage stories and yet end up divorce. Hope you can share the chart for academic discussion.
Thanks alot.
Master Jo,
What i meant was, as structures...these are compatible base on the ability to work together.
For example, a working couple definitely have to be able to work together in order for the business to thrive. Hence i see this as a form of compatibility.
Marriages do happen, some marriages are like friendship manner which is important, some are corporate type like husband and wife team...and of course the obvious is true love which is something we all long for.
However to say a marriage is not perfect because certain elements etc will not do...because at the end of the day...it will have to be like what TJ said..Free will....u married to so and so...therefore you learn to love and accept or change for the betterment of the relationship. So couples marry, have great businesses together because they can get along fine together, maybe not much on the romance..but still...they can achieve something together eventhough that something is not 100% affection.
I believe marriage is between two people's willingness to compromise and care.
Simon
Master Jo,
As for the part where you said share the same useful god or element, i think is not fully truth.
Cause eg, DMs are attracted to something they need or lack frpm therefore what the other DM might have.
Like if a say a very strong Male Fire DM would definitely benefit from a companion who has lots of water, metal or earth,and the same can be said of a strong geng like the case mention, would prefer Fire and Wood and water from the male dm...is this correct?
that to me sounds like attraction which is key for compatibility...the other issues can be dealt with what TJ said...free will
HCheng
Simon
well said. I am happy to hear the views from everyone here. This allow us to learn together. It sets us think deeper. :)
On your points, ideally it should be the case that both parties must learn to accept each other shortcomings, work things out and strive to achieve a good relationship. Most manage to but frankly not all couples are willing to put in effort to maintain it.
Free will and predestination is a century-old debate. It is also a personal belief. Frankly, there is no right or wrong. For me, I choose to take a middle ground. That is, I believe who we are and who we are going to marry is predestined [the early heaven]. But, I also believe that by knowing our destiny, we can change our destiny. If not, I would not pursue fengshui or bazi.
So, if I know that there is a negative element in my spouse palace and that is going to cause some strain in our marriage, do I then avoid marrying? No. I will then not take things for granted and put in extra effort to communicate and love my wife more. Of course I will tell her that too so that we know the potential challenges and use discipline (like Lim has said) to overcome all odds. This is the free will part [or later heaven].
This is my belief.
hi hui cheng
let me try to explain and feel free to correct me if i did not understand your point properly.
I was saying that I found that 2 persons (can be friends or lovers) who are compatible, having common topics and can get along well usually share same useful element.
From the description of your scenario, my understanding of your illustration is that a strong fire person (call him Mr A) whose favourable elements are metal and earth will be attracted to someone (Ms B) who has abundant metal and earth elements in their bazi. Right?
That could just be the first layer of unilateral attraction and it may not be mutual if metal is negative for Ms B.
My "discovery" is that for Mr A and Ms B to have same frequency, metal elment (say it is the useful element)must be positive for both parties. Next question is, can they still end up divorce?
It is possible especially when there is a 3rd party intervention /adultery and either party feels betrayed.
Can they don't divorce? This is the free will part. If the wife or hubby can forgive and forget about it, then hopefully life can go on.
Not easy.
Does negative element in the spouse palace means no good generally?
Generally negative element in spouse palace indicates some issues. What issue depends on which element is in it.
If a weak DM sitting on HO as output surely is negative element. This HO is a yin water (Hai). May I know what issue will this guy facing generally?
anonymous please identify yourself thanks ...
Hi Master Jo,
If a weak DM sitting on HO as output surely is negative element. This HO is a yin water (Hai). May I know what issue will this guy facing generally?
hi choong
we need to see the whole bazi to check the real issue. But based on day pillar Xin hai alone, it will imply communication issue. It is not that the couple cannot talk, but are they really on same channel? The DM will usually have to put up with a bit of "nonsense" from this wife.
Hi Master Jo,
Thank you so much.
Hello, again. Nice article.
I think you are right..I would say that the women I know with Hurting Officer are the types who enjoy almost humiliating men.
This one friend I have has HO withoutany Direct Officer and she is very pretty and always brags about how she can use men..she seems downright abusive towards men. I don't know about career plans, but they do like attention.
I also wanted to ask..what if you have NO Output Star, but still want to achieve prominence in life.
My bazi is(Hour, Day, Month, Year):
Fire Metal Fire Earth
Rooster Sheep Rabbit Snake
I have lots of Fire an no Water..am I doomed to be mediocre or worse?
hi mantis
thanks for sharing.
no output can still achieve fame.
you will not be doomed, dun worry. No water element is more of a health issue here in your bazi.
What do you mean, a health issue? Coul you explain?
I feel I have been quite fortunate health-wise.
My worst "ailments" so far have been obesity, bad eyesight and chicken pox.
u are still young. Drop me an email and i can tell u which health aspects to lookout.
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